He likes be our "Saviour". "Actually the HR don't approve the $100 increase in your pay but I fight for it" Something like this happen to my colleague and I really think he's a great actor. Like that also wanna boast! chey!
He likes to be "God". He asks for volunteers to do Chinese New Year and he end up planning a shift schedule no matter how desperate or disintereted you wanna do the shift.
What time you come for work, go for lunch, lunch for how long, pee, pee for how long and what time you leave work, he also knows. Maybe your mother cooks for you or not, he also knows!
By the way, he comes in for 1 hr of e-mailing checking and replying when he's on leave. Yes, he's that mad. Such boss where to find. Give this workaholic a Horlick ah!
He's not just a pyschopath but he's also a control freak. Even a BBQ gathering has to be organised in great details and he has to be the overall in-charge. He fits the profile below neatly,especially the type 2 kind of freaks:
Two Types of Control Freaks
Type 1 Control Freaks: The Type 1 control freak is strictly attempting to cope with their anxiety in a self absorbed way. They just want to feel better and are not even very aware of you. You will notice and hear their agitation and tentativeness. They usually do not make much eye contact when they are talking to you.
Type 2 Control Freaks: The Type 2 control freak is also trying to manage their anxiety but they are very aware of you as opposed to the Type 1 control freak. The Type 2 needs to diminish you to feel better. Their mood rises as they push you down. They do not just want to prevail; they also need to believe that they have defeated you. They need you to feel helpless so they will not feel helpless. Their belief is that someone must feel helpless in any interchange and they desperately do not want it to be them. The Type 1 needs control. The Type 2 needs to control you.
God save me!!!!!!!!!!!!! And God can save me by giving me another good paying job too. heh.
How shall I deal with them? Only smarties have the answer:
Some Coping Strategies
1) Stay as calm as you can. Control freaks tend to generate a lot of tension in those around them. Try to maintain a comfortable distance so that you can remain centered while you speak with them. Try to focus on your breathing. As they get more agitated and demanding, just breath slowly and deeply. If you stay calm and focused, this often has the effect of relaxing them as well. If you get agitated you have joined the battle on their terms.
2) Speak very slowly. Again the normal tendency is to gear up and speak rapidly when dealing with a control freak. This will only draw you into the emotional turmoil and you will quickly be personalizing what is occurring.
3) Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. In fact, they do not have that much to say. They have a lot to say if you engage them in a power struggle. If you just listen carefully and ask good questions that indicate that you have heard them, then they will quickly resolve whatever the issue is and calmly move on.
4) Pay attention to your induced reactions. What is this person trying to emotionally induce in you? Notice how you feel when speaking with them. It will give you important clues as to how to deal with them more effectively and appropriately.
5) Initially, let them control the agenda. But you control the pacing. If you stay calm and speak slowly, you will be in command of the pacing of the conversation.
6) Treat them with kindness. Within most control freaks is a good measure of paranoia. They are ready to get angry and defend against what they perceive is a controlling hostile world. If you treat them with respect and kindness, their paranoia cannot take root. You will jam them up.
7) Make demands on them-- especially when dealing with the type 2 control freak. Ask them to send you something or do something for you. By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns.
8) Remember an old but poignant Maxim: "Those who demand the most often give the least."
Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help. Understand that they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, rehearsed debaters and excellent at distorting reality.
In order to not feel degraded, humiliated and have your sense of self and self worth assaulted, you need to avoid being bulldozed by a controlling lover, boss or friend. When you are caught up in a truly destructive/controlling attachment, the best response may be to walk out. You have to understand that whatever you do will have a limited effect. These people are angry and afraid to let go of you. Hence, it is your job to let go of them, protect yourself in the process… and grow.
Be cool, dude. God loves control freaks as much as he loves you.
Oh well, I shall try to love thy neighbour (my boss sits right beside me somemore. sigh).
*all these about control freaks are taken from this great guy, Thomas J. Schumacher, Psy.D., R-CSW in this link and more details in there:
http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/control.html
Thank you, Dr Schmuacher. You have no idea how much your article means to me
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